i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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