I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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