Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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