I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
