DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
