birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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