I just made out with a guy for $7.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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