My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
