I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
sarcasm needs its own font
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
