Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
