this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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