Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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