were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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