please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
