I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
