just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
