woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
