maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
