Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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