How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
