I think I just saw someone hide a body.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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