Your mouth is God's brothel.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
