just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
