So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
