O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
