i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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