when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
