I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
