He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
