Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
