Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
