Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
