shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
