Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
