I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
