i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
