Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
