once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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