Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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