Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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