the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize