So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
