i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
