dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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