You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
