Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
