I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize