Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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