She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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