Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
