Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
