clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
