People with herpes should wear stickers.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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