She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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