im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
