careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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