She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
