I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
