Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Sponge bath it is.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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