Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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