no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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