In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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