I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
