Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
