halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
