I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
