Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
