ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
