tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
