he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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