i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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