i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You need a sexual gate keeper
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
